How to Support Your Neurodivergent Teen in Therapy—And What Not to Do

Raising a neurodivergent teen is a wild mix of heartwarming moments, deep conversations, and sometimes just straight-up confusion. Whether your teen is autistic, has ADHD, or thinks in ways that don't always line up with the world around them, therapy can be a great support. But here's the thing: therapy isn't magic, and it definitely works better when home is part of the healing process too.

Let’s get into what actually helps your teen while they’re in therapy—and just as importantly, what can unintentionally get in the way.

Give Them Space to Own the Process

Your teen is the one doing the work in therapy, and that matters. You might want to know everything that’s happening in those sessions, but pushing too hard for details can make them shut down. Therapy is their space to feel safe, vent, reflect, and grow. They don’t need to debrief with you like it’s homework.

Try saying: “If you ever want to talk about therapy, I’m here. No pressure, though.”

Even if they never bring it up, just knowing you’re open and respectful goes a long way.

Listen First, Fix Later (or Never)

Neurodivergent teens often feel like they’re constantly being told to change, adjust, or "do better." At home, try being the person who listens without trying to fix everything right away.

Say something like: “That sounds rough. I’m really proud of how you handled it.”

Validation means more than advice. Sometimes they just need to be heard, not helped.

Get Curious (Without Being Nosy)

If your teen’s open to talking, ask questions that help you understand them better. Don’t assume you know what it’s like to be in their brain just because you read an article or two.

Try: “What’s something you wish more people understood about how your brain works?”

This kind of curiosity shows them you actually want to know them, not just their diagnosis.

Be a Team Player With Their Therapist

Therapists usually appreciate when parents are supportive—but there's a difference between being supportive and taking over. If you have concerns or want to share observations, talk to your teen first.

Ask: “Would it be okay if I brought this up with your therapist?”

If they say no, that’s okay too. Their sense of safety in therapy is more important than your need for updates. And hey, don’t forget to share the wins with the therapist, too. They love to hear what's going well.

Do Some Homework (For Yourself)

If you really want to support your teen, learning about their neurotype is a great start. There are so many books, podcasts, and social media accounts out there run by neurodivergent folks themselves. Just make sure your learning is about helping you understand them better—not about finding new ways to "fix" them.

Use what you learn to adjust how you show up. That’s where the magic happens.

Don’t Use Therapy Like It’s a Punishment

Saying stuff like, “You better talk about this in therapy,” or “What’s the point of therapy if you’re still doing that?”? Yeah, that makes therapy feel like a punishment. And nobody wants to open up in a space that feels like a trap.

Keep therapy sacred. It should feel like a safe zone, not an extension of home stress.

Let Go of Quick-Fix Expectations

Therapy isn’t instant oatmeal. It takes time, and sometimes the biggest changes are happening under the surface. Don’t measure progress by how "well-behaved" your teen is. Pay attention to the smaller wins: are they setting boundaries? Talking more about their feelings? Asking for help?

That’s growth. Celebrate it.

Don’t Assume You Know What Works for Them

Even if you’ve read up on their neurotype or have your own experiences, every person is different. What works for one ADHD kid might totally flop for another.

If they say something doesn’t help—believe them. Let them steer their own support system.

Respect Their Therapy Bubble

You don’t need to know everything they say in therapy. Unless there’s a serious safety concern, let them have that privacy. It helps them open up and trust the process.

Instead, ask their therapist, “Are there general ways I can support what you’re working on?” That’s enough.

Stop Minimizing Their Experience

Avoid saying stuff like, “Everyone forgets things sometimes,” or “You don’t seem autistic to me.” These comments might be well-meaning, but they’re actually really dismissive.

Try: “I might not fully get what you’re going through, but I want to understand.”

That one sentence can change everything.

A Few Final Thoughts

You don’t have to have all the answers. In fact, your teen probably isn’t expecting you to. They just want to know that you’re in their corner, especially when they’re doing the hard work of therapy.

Let them lead. Respect their space. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small. And when in doubt? Just keep showing up with empathy, curiosity, and love.

You're already doing more than you think.